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Alone?

Alone...

Now I'm hundred procent sure to know that I am whole alone about to understanding feelings.
How much I open me, how much I try to creat a picture for whole feelings in the paper, I will still be alone who ever will know, feel and understand it, no one else but me...
To know, to be hurt alone and have no one else to talk to make it hurt hundred times more then that moment, that minutes you are hurted.
Its like start to go from soul to heart, from heart to brain, from brain to start to shake whole body I'm start to freeze like to be outside in a winter day. Try to cry it out but no tears comes out, its like tears have been frozen from that moment you started to get cold and shake over whole your body.
When you can cry, antoher piece of you disappeared.
Take up that piece and save it with all the rest of your piece in that box. Mayb one day, only maybe, you can put it togheter again to make it whole again.
But thats is only if you not fall down before all pieces disapped and get totaly broked. No soul, no heart, nothing left.
I pretend to smile even though it hurts so bad
This is me, Dark,Useless,Painful and Meaningless yes, I'm useless, I'm nothing.
I wish I could be something, I wish I was something...
I wish someone could be proud of me.. to have me, to know me, to see me as a rose that they should take take care of...
But, I understand that I can never be like a rose...
But, I'm nothing...

The biggest

The biggest enemy,idiot, worthless, hate, mistake, unwished, ugly human, meanless, useless i

the biggest useless in this world.... for me is.....

ME!

MYSELF

AND I.

I was not meaning to born, not meaning to be, not meaning to see, not meaning to breath, not meaning to live.

My life is not a life, it Useless, painful and meanless.

I pretend to smile even though it hurts so bad sometimes.

Now u all know the truth, This is me and I am what I am, and I kow that and had been accept myself that this is me, meanless, useless, and nothing to care, nothing to have, just dont care is will be the best.

If start to care, it become a hell and shiet for all who cares, is to heavy to waist of time, coz I am like this and no one know if I ever, ever will be fine ever again.

So do me a favour and take who ever u are if u kow me, take ur lifeful and careful life and take care of it and fill it with joy, as that I can't do.

This is how I am, and this is real me, don't meant to be anything, and don't deserv anything or anyone, don't worthe anything or anyone at all..

Love , had to collapse down.

Future, in the end would also pass by.

Left with only a heart that's wrecked. Wound, it's deeper than can be healed?

Woke up from the dreams because got awakened by the tears.

The adversities made my heart exhausted.

Pray to let my heart that's hurt, that it should be strong.

Even though it's going to be void of strength, I'll resist and stand up to it fervently.

A person alone don't have that much right.

Can't make me hurt till death. Whatever I must be able to accept it?

Life merely got hurt, But in the end it should not get destroyed?

It's merely that today my heart is shattered.

Remind myself that come what may,

I still must live on?

Deceived by love, it's also merely just be hurt. It's of no value, can't let it destroy my life?

Cutting the wrist don't help with anything. The more you emphasize it, the more I cut, the more you hurt your heart. However much more you do, it would also be more broken hearted?

This is all

- I am complicated

- Out of oder

- Nature's way of thinking out the herd

- So splite up inside

- Slowly die inside

everything its seems like.... Never mind.....

I am cry inside.. But no one knows it's... but me...

- Painful and Meaningless

- Pain in my heart

- Darkness in my brain

- Misery is my life

- Sadness is my soul

Befor I was afraid 2 lose in everything...

I was often shut up, never wanted 2 talk or say was is in my mind.

But today I understand now that 2 lose is was my life is about..

Now I'm trying 2 not be afraid more 2 lose... cause 2 lose is was my life is about.

Nothing was meaning to be forever with me, nothign was mening to be here to make me smile forever.

2 los it's was my life it's about,

I am not one in billion to win a life so bright and happy.

My life it's supports to be dark and cold.

It's just only for me to acept, realis and understand this is all I got.

Stop up and breath, its time.

Peoples around the world have always an responsiribility to take off own misstake, wrong or right.

Everyone has being lost sometimes right?
and everyone dosen't always know what to do or not to do?
we all are sure its like that, but everyone dosent always know what they should do or not do.
can't its be because of, we dosent always know who we are or where we have ourself.

I am the first exempel for "I dont know who I am" -"where Do I have myself"
I do wrong things oftan, and I always confuse about myself. I never know how I should do to make myself sure about myself.
I wish I could stop being so confuse and lost, I wish I could stop to try to be someone Im not.
I wanna be sure about myself, so I can stop do things I dont want to.

Now I stop up and stare, think and breath.
Time to take care, time to not fear more.
Time to know and feel and listen on my soul and heart calling after to be listen by myself.
Calling after help to stop being so lost and so confuse, try to breath and find myself.

I need only one act and one me, I dont need alots of act and alots of me.
I wanna be one and I wanna be sure who she is. I wanna be happy with myself if its are possible
I wanna have strong legs to stand up with and be always sure.
I dont wanna lose anymore, I dont wanna stop unaware doing things I dont want to, I dont wanna be in uncontrolable.

The time is here, I have to do it even if I dont have so much energy to, but I will not have any energy at all if I dont choose NOW, NOW its the time, I cant wait more and I should NOT wait more, if I do I sure I will not surviver more.

am I selfish if I do it? =/

Känner att jag sakta förlorar.

Förlorar i spelet "Att vinna eeller att förlora"

Jag har verkligen kämpat och jag har verkligen gjort så mycket jag bara kunde och kan för att bli en vinnare.

Men jag ramlar bara och självklart ställde jag mig upp alla gånger, men det är kanske dags att ge upp och överge sig till "förlorarnas" sida?

Jag gör och jag gjorde mitt bästa. Men det räckte aldrig och verka inte räcka någonsint.

Jag vill vara någon som kunde vara tillräcklig, vara en synlig person.

Men jag kanske inte är mänsklig nog för att veta allt det där.

Det var en flicka hade ett svart papper.

Fick uppgiften att rita upp sina känslor på detta papper..

Efter två veckor var pappret kvar på bordet.

Men flickan var borta, brevid låg en lapp där stod det...

Den svarta färgen står för sorgen, att jag inget skrev står för tomheten....